What do I know now that I didn't know then?

Holidays brought a great deal of awareness to me. Most importantly, I felt I was held back by my body. What does this mean? I couldn't walk or climb or move as much as I physically should have been able to because of my weight and lack of ability. In my mind, I saw myself doing so and I pushed myself to do so. What bothered me or should I say, scared me was that I was short of breath, had pains in my chest and broke sweat when it shouldn't have happened. Yep, I had to push myself.

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Then, I saw this sculpture and it was exactly how I saw myself. Large curves, shapely but to the point where the figures were shapeless. Some might call them Rubenesque but I saw them as fat, round and strange. It was how I have been feeling so I laid down on the sand beside them at felt comfort. A comfort in knowing that the artist saw bodies like this or envisioned bodies like this on the beach. The discomfortant came from my being tired, exhausted and uncomfortable in my own body.

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I look at the pictures of our trip now and I smile at the memories that will stay with me but I feel sad that when it came to walking down mountains and hills along a oceanside area on Vancouver Island that I was too tired to walk up that next mountain. I will always think that I missed out on what was on the other side...As I do with my life.

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As I unpack the clothing, the bottles of wine and the fresh fruit from our trip I then decide to step on the scale. I have gained five pounds in the last two weeks. Any other person would laugh and say that you were on holidays and everyone gains weight. Me, I know how hard it is to take off five pounds but so easily to put it on as the scale tells me today! Did I drink my water? No. Did I eat breakfast? Not always. Did I make healthy eating choices. No.

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Healthy choices I must choose. I will choose. Clean eating. I will choose. Feel better. I will!

OSC